Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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A man walks into a bar. He meets this attractive female. They later go to his house to have sexual intercourse. However, the man forgot to use a condom. He finds out he got AIDS. He dies twenty years later from his sexually transmitted disease.

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Whats big white and can't climb trees? A Fridge. Whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick.

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Whats worse that stubbing your toe? Death.

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How do u tourcheer a fat kid? Make him chase a dounout

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A dead guy laying on the floor holding a gun and a knife. What killed him? cancer.

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I went seal clubbing the other day but as I was the only one with legs, the dancefloor was quite lonely

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Q: What has one eye but cannot see? A: A blind cyclops

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A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they get married and live happy together for the rest of their lives.

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How many muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb. One.

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haikus are easy but sometimes they make no sense refrigerator

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Why are all black people fast? They aren't. Some of them are slow.

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handlebars except the duck.

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C.U.M. on guys, gay jokes arent funny

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Why didn't the [any object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. Why didn't the [other object] catch on fire? Because there was water on it. [repeat ad infinitum]

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How do you make an idiot laugh? Tell him a mildly funny joke relating to bodily functions, such as defecating or passing gas.

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How did the baby cross the road? The baby got stapled to a chicken

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How many arabs can fit in a 2007 honda accord? legally up to 5

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels for the loss of their newborn child.

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why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey wahy did the third monkey fall out of the tree? it thought it was a game why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? because it had no arms why did the little girl fall off her bike? she got hit by three monkeys and a refridgerator

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jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. jack fell down and broke his crown, and is now in intensive care.

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Why was the man tired at his soccer game? Because he did not sleep well the night before

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I can't rhyme Refrigerator

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What did one Pokemon say to the other pokemon? We are fake.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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