Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

And then the devil said "Let there be Justin beiber"

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What if I told you that our role our "little team" is not as little as you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Chuck Norris died.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do a duck and an elephant have in common? They're both yellow. Except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly doesn't contain pieces of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q.What's worse than running over a dog on the road? A.9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a kid with a peg leg and an eye patch? Names

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two men sit down at a bar. First man: I hear you're having a baby! Second man: My wife had a miscarriage. First man: Oh.... The talking ceased

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you get them out? Tortilla chips

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why do cats hate dogs? because cats were bullied by dogs in highschool.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I was dropped on my head as a baby, kjhgfiehcgbfbjebfiuheggfcug

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you say to jacks mum when your having Sex? Nothing she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call someone who is blind and deaf? Dumb.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Billy fall down? Because his brain was replaced with a piece of toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Farmer Ned chased his chickens before they laid their eggs, because he likes his eggs scrambled.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call Justin Beiber having sex with a woman? Gay

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: Because he had terminal brain cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did a lady get in a car crash? Because woman don't drive, they stay in the kitchen!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What did the dead baby say to his mother? Nothing. He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops