If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the farmer say when he lost his pig? Wheres my Pig?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did Mulan say to Pocohantas? Nothing as they are nothing but fictional creation of the childish (yet genius); minds of the Disney corporation. Although if they were capable of empathy (which isn't likely) then they would still, say nothing, as they are from two completely different movies.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A black man and a black woman are in a car, who's driving? The police.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Obama is a black man living in a white house. TEEHEE

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the prostitute say to the cop? What? I can suck your dick for free Mr. Officer

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A terrorist walks into a bar and shoots his virgin

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A boss walks into a bar and hires the first man he sees. He fires everyone else, no matter what their occupation.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are black, violets are black, i am blind!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the hamster not on his wheel? Because he had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a... A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody's talking about the bird! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word A-well-a bird... Surfin' bird Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb... [retching noises]... aaah! Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow Well don't you know about the bird? Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word! A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the elephant cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the deaf, blind, poor orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

TRUE COMEDY: "HOW ABOUT THAT AIRLINE FOOD!"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why Sam Vitale gay? Because he loves men!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do Chinese people name their kids? The couple discuss possible names and then pick the one that they feel suits the child best.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is a dinosaurs favorite chips? Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Your mom is so poor, she contributes to the high unemployment of the country and didn't even have enough money to feed her family so Social Services came in and took them away

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A Jew doesn't walk out of the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

This is not a good joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's red and creeps up your leg? A homesick abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the difference between a black guy and a wet towel? The towel doesn't kick when you hang it

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did the mexican cross the road? to catch its bus on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops