What's even faster than the speed of light? The speed you close out of porn when you hear someone coming into the room.

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I cut my pubes, Now they itch a lot.

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Why did the man known to his neighbors as 'Teetotal Al' buy himself a bottle of whisky? Because there was no factual basis to his nickname.

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Two people were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

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So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

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Q:Why did the man rob the bank? A:He needed money.... duhhh -Ryan Vallee

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What did the grandson inherit when his grandmother died? Nothing, they both were killed in a tragic car accident.

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Why did the woman hate waiting in line? Two reasons really: almost an entire day had passed since her last intake of non-prescription drugs plus she was generally apprehensive that the witness would identify her.

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Hitler was Jewish.

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Why did the little kid use pillows at night? Because he was constipated.

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Has anyone told you, you look fat today?" "Because you don't.

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whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? A. Genetics.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homo-sexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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how many gay men can you fit on a barstool 1

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How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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what do you call a diver with no arms and no legs? a bobber

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Your mother is so ugly that your father no lomger finds her attractive

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a mosque.

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2

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what do a snake and a bird have in common? they can both fly! except for the snake.

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Why didn't the man kiss his wife. Because he had no lips.

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planking.

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A seal walks into a club.

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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