Three men are on a plane*. (*Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Knock knock? Who's there? Madeline i am back!! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

why did the man blink because i put a gun to his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What do you call a guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Why did the child with terminal cancer and leprosy get sent to the principal's office? Because his parents and brother died in a car accident, and the principal though he should be informed.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Why did the man steal 2 watermelons? He was a shoplifter and had a background of crime

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did Grandma give her grandson Billy for Christmas? Scarring memories of sexual abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

GAY PEOPLE

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? You would too if your name was Hjshdvcyehbretafvvba.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

in the begining... god made some stuff

thumb_up thumb_down +48

roses are flowers violets are too violets are purple not fuing blue

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I used to walk in front of archers, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

GRAAAAAAAAAAAR.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Bin Laden is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the chicken cross the street? It didn't. It got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing. They don't live on the same continent.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What did the man do at the "take a penny leave a penny holder" He took a penny, and left a penny.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the difference between a Jew and a black person? Black people are good at running.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q:Why did the man get hit by the car? A:He was standing on the road.. ;DDD

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

How do you kill a fly? Shoot it

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops