what do you do when a woman tells you no? cut her tongue out

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Ask me if I'm a peanut. Are you a peanut? Yes. Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No, I'm a peanut.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than dropping your phone in the toilet? Drinking only milk and honey for 7 days and then getting diarrhea while lying chained up completely naked with red fire ants going up your anus and all over your body while you get eaten alive in slow painfully miserable death

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: Why did the young boy run away from girls and screamed that they had cooties? A: That's what little boys do. He also has an abusive home life

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock knock *No one was home*

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Lebron Traveled

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your mom is so fat the only time she saw 90210 was on a scale.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is a dinosaurs favorite chips? Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did the first monkey fall out the tree? he was dead why did the second monkey fall out the tree? he was hit by the first one why did the third monkey fall out the tree? peer pressure why did the fourth monkey fall out the tree? he thought it was a game

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mom is so fat she has to buy clothes at a Plus-size clothing store.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock! Knock! Whose there? Chris Chris who? (There was never a response. Leaving the man to wonder who Chris was... Was it his high school buddy Chris? His former colleague? That guy who filled his propane tank down at the gas station? Was that guy's name even Chris-or was it Craig? Craig, it was definitely Craig.)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

ring ring young man: dad? mom's dead? woman: i think you dialed the wrong number young man: .......oh im sorry, you're absolutely right, silly me! woman: don't worry about it. young man: (chuckles) click

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why is my car broken? Because I drove it into a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why does World of Warcraft advertise on Anti-Joke? Because World of Warcraft is funny in anticlimactic and alternative way

thumb_up thumb_down -14

who hooked up with Sinead Walker? • Liam Findlay

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why was Jim gay? Because he liked penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock. Who the hells there? Nevermind.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What is big, red, and eats rocks? Big Red that eats rocks. -For Abel

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Lil' Wayne

thumb_up thumb_down -34

i felt like burning some calories so i lit a fat kid on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I learned a new party trick over the weekend; I swallow a piece of string and it comes out my other end tied! I shit you knot.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops