A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

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2 blonds are driving on the road on their way to Disney Land. They come to the sign that says Disney Land left so they started crying, turned around and went home.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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There is a secret society known as Grandma Elbow. What happened to the boy who tried to leave it? All of his limbs were ripped off and fed to a man eating shark by the name of Nigel Tommy Baker. It didn't hurt that much because the boy was forced into eating the waste products of a donkey before this happened. NEVER LEAVE GRANDMA ELBOw!

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What's the fastest animal on earth? An Ethiopian chicken.

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whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Q: How many cantaloupes can you fit into Jackie Chan's basement? A: 4

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How do you get them out? Tortilla chips

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing..

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question! Feminists can't change anything.

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Why did the dog bark? Who knows, dogs bark for many reasons unknown to humans.

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What do you call a Mexican and a Black man on the moon? Astronauts.

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Q:What did the cat say to the dog? A: Meow

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what do you get when you mix a bever and a racoon? A bevecoon!

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Your mother

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Brian Singmaster. Look him up, he's cute.

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if japanese cars are called riceburners would german cars be called jewburners

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I said I read te terms of service. I didnt

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What animal is green and eats a green rockeater? A green green rockeater eater. What animal is green and eats a green green rockeater eater? A frog.

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a show horse jumps over a bar

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Why does Susie fall off the swing? I shot her in the head with a pistol.

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Little Timmy walked up to the teacher and asked her "Can i go to the restroom?" The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you ?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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