What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

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What did the clock say? The time.

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Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 452

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they're both dead.

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Why did the Mexicans climb the fence? They were tossing frisbee and accidentally threw it into their neighbors yard.

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Farmer Ned chased his chickens before they laid their eggs, because he likes his eggs scrambled.

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Why did Jenny fail her photography class? Because Jenny has epilepsy and she had a coma while taking the final exam? To this day Jenny is drain dead in the hospital.

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Ask me if I'm a horse. Are you a horse? Nay.

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Why did hitler need glasses? Because he could Nazi.

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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whats the difference between a dog and a cat? ones a dog.

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How many blonds does it take to kidnap a child? One.

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if life gives u lemons....chuck them back and say u wanted muffins instead!!!!!!!!!!!

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What's red and bad for your teeth? a brick

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I had sex with the Earth, and out came global warming...Imagine what will happen if i had sex with Obama?

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A black guy, a white guy and a Pakistani are walking together when they see a lamp, They rub the lamp and out pops a Genie who, with only three wishes to grant, lets them have one wish each. The Pakistani wishes that all people of Pakistani origin are returned to their country with health and wealth. The black guy thinks this is a good idea and asks for the same for all Africans and Caribbean's. The white guy says "are there really no more Pakistani's or blacks in the country?" The Genie confirms this is accurate. The white guy is devastated, who will drive the buses, operate the power stations, produce the medicines and work in the hospitals that these people did? I wish for them to be returned.

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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what do you call a black man driving a police car? a cop

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What's the difference between a black man and a bicycle? ( I don't know. ) You're so racist.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting attacked by an evil demonic llama.

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Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because he was dead...

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What happened after September 11, 2001? September 12, 2001

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Why do fancy unicorns wear jackets? Because they're fancy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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