GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

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what's your favorite soccer team? liverpool

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What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A person with light, yellowish hair who has a tragic genetic deformity.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side... But he got hit by a car instead, Life is full of disappointments

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Knock knock! Who's there? This. This who? This joke.

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Nah

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a whore, Let's have sex.

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so he says "aaahhh". then i threw a fridge at him

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Why did the black guy go to jail, because he did illegal stuff.

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

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What does a person say before they die? Whatever their last word is

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What's worse than your mother dying in a car crash? Your father dying in the same crash.

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i like my women like i like my coffee...big boobs

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women's lacrosse.

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Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops