Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the deaf, blind, poor orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A horse walks into a bar. It neighs and knocks over a few tables before leaving the bar confused.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, it won't come.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I was in the grocery store on a sunday afternoon, and i saw a black man. To my surprise, HE DIDN'T BUY ANY FRIED CHICKEN?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tied to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Then what's your favorite team little white guy?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are black, violets are black, im sleeping

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's red and creeps up your leg? A homesick abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What is worse than getting a paper cut? Your whole family dying to MERS in Peru before you were old enough to remember any of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

An Oldish (probably 27) man walks into a chuck-e cheese, He then puts on his coustume.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats the boys name that has no legs no arms and no eyes? lucky

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why was the baby crying? a rabit took her bottle and ate her frit snacks.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Violets are blue I'm Schizophrenic and so am I

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Will you marry me?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what did you call a downer in the medieval times? spazalot

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why was the man arrested? He had brutally stabbed 398 people in a 10 hour period.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Knock Knock. Who the hells there? Nevermind.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Quit repeating the damn jokes you jackasses it ruins the laughter. Like if you agree.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

the your face joke

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I like the Tsarnaev brothers. They ran the Boston marathon and had a BLAST!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Games stop telling me to press any key to continue. That key doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

why was the man coughing? because there was a knife in his throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

A man walks into a bar. Jeremy Lin congratulates him for being a person.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops