Why did the child with terminal cancer and leprosy get sent to the principal's office? Because his parents and brother died in a car accident, and the principal though he should be informed.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Why did the man steal 2 watermelons? He was a shoplifter and had a background of crime

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What do you call a puppy with no eyes? Ugly,

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A black man walks into a store and grabs something off of a shelf. He walks briskly towards the door and pauses, looking sneakily left and right to make sure nobody else is around. He also looks and sees that the security camera is not facing him. Seeing as nobody is watching him, he quickly turns towards the counter beside the door and pays for the item with his own debit card, knowing that nobody can see him enter his PIN.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What's the difference between me and you? Dr. Dre

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Kittens.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

A penguin was waddling along one day and saw a seal.. The seal stood up and procceded to talk and jump and even twirled around... The penguin realized this was impossible for a seal to be doing this so he hopped on his unicycle and just rode home because he was going to be late for his piano recital

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Fat people are harder to kidnap!!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

whats stupid and likes dumb jokes? you.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Women's sports.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A man goes to lie down on a couch. His wife walks by and sees him, and asks, "what are you doing?" to which he replies, "lying down"

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What should I name my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Need homeless tips? Get A Job.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why couldn't the little boy skate? He had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's the difference between an old quarter and a new penny? 24 cents

thumb_up thumb_down +40

a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why are cemetaries gated? Typically, to prevent vandalism and the emotional trama it inflicts on the deceaseds' families.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do airplanes and grapes have in common? They both have wings, except a grape doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I soaked it in the blood of small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock knock. Who's there? Becca. I just found out i have aids, so you should probably get yourself checked out.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

69

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Microsoft Windows

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops