What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

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A fish swims into a wall. Says dam.

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What did the Muslim do after his friend told him a funny joke ? Laugh.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side... But he got hit by a car instead, Life is full of disappointments

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You hear about that old man that died on the news? It was my grandfather... oh...

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What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at six o' clock in the morning? He puked a lot, and was diagnosed with a horrible digestive disorder.

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What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

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So I was talking dirty to this deaf chick right...She didn't hear me.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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Since little kids sleep with stuffed bears, do bears sleep with stuffed humans?

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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A horse walks into a bar...n

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whats the differnce between a baby and a dart board? dart boards dont bleed.

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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Penis.

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really desperate to get laid guy gives out phone number in random places 5802352343 :D

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Get in the car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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