Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a whore, Let's have sex.

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How do you get a movie star to go out with you? Blackmail.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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What do you call 10,000 lawers jumping out of a plane? A good start.

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What did the boy do when he was cold? Got a blanket.

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here's a great way to ruin someone's 'knock knock' joke: Knock knock Come in!

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Since little kids sleep with stuffed bears, do bears sleep with stuffed humans?

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What's funny about suicide? Nothing, that's horrible.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

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A horse walks into a bar...n

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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How many perverts does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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whats the differnce between a baby and a dart board? dart boards dont bleed.

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If John has 32 candy bars and he eats 28, whAt does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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Penis.

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What did the racist slave owner do when his slave refused to complete his task? Asked him nicely until the task was completed.

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really desperate to get laid guy gives out phone number in random places 5802352343 :D

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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