What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? 12:00

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What do you call a guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

thumb_up thumb_down +54

GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Why did the child with terminal cancer and leprosy get sent to the principal's office? Because his parents and brother died in a car accident, and the principal though he should be informed.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

why couldnt the gay man marry??? cause he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Whats worse than a flat tire? penile fracture

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why didn't the Mammoth go to school? Because his species went extinct before the development of organized education. And he's also a Mammoth.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Two gay guys go into a bedroom, in different houses at different times.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What's brown and sticky? -A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why did the blonde buy a condom? Because she had a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Womens' rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What does a person say before they die? Whatever their last word is

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Did you know why people actually fear clowns? Because slapstick humor is dead

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

women's lacrosse.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than your mother dying in a car crash? Your father dying in the same crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Wha'ts Slippery when wet? A Wet Slipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Microsoft Windows

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats worse than a bunch of teen-agers throwing kitrens at my house I didn't save them because I thought they were jehovahs witness's

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Going for the Dislike record woot I farted!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops