What does a girl get from a dead MAN:)?? Nothing he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

how do u get a nun off the bottom of a cruise ship you untie her

thumb_up thumb_down +25

The President, the Pope, and a small child are in a plane when the pilot announces that they are about to crash. The plane hits the ocean. They quickly remember that there is a life jacket under their seats and they promptly put it on, but wait to inflate it (by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs) it until after exiting the cabin.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock. Whose there? Not your dead mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call five dogs with no balls? Five bitches.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What's black and blue and red all over? A: I'm not sure. If it's red all over, it's not going to be black or blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You're allergic to flowers So this poem will kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +21

An English couple walk int a Portuguese bar. They never see their daughter again.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a man with short legs? Whatever his name is

thumb_up thumb_down +21

yo mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the size of the door...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the monkey eat his own poop? Because there was minimal resources where he was so he resorted to eat his own fecal matter

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the chicken fall off the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Due the limited cognitive ability and a lack of critical thinking skills, the chicken mistakenly ventured across the road in search of grain. Luckily the chicken was not injured on this occasion, however other chickens may not be so lucky in the future.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man. That is all.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock knock whos there punctuation

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a show horse jumps over a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two gay men enjoy a wonderful second date together.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q- Why was Dan mourning the death of his wife? A- He wasn't he was mourning the death of his daughter who was killed in the same car crash as her mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you make a plumber cry? Make his family cry!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you catch a squirrel? Use a live, humane trap, and release it back into the wild afterwards.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops