Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bomb in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends on gender and environment, but a fully grown, adult, male polar bear weighs from 800 to 1600 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So dont touch it

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two blonds are racing. Who wins? The first one to pass he finish line.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were driving on a highway. The redhead asked the brunette, who had the map, which was the next exit. The blonde was better with maps so she took it and announced where to go. They made the exit and enjoyed a nice lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than a good anti-joke? A bad anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

- I have cancer. - SUCK IT UP!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the dead man say at his own funeral? Nothing, he's dead...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Star Wars

thumb_up thumb_down +5

whats worse than the holocaust? Nothing you should be worrying about the future not the past.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A grasshopper walks into into a bar and the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you. But me telling you this is in no way productive because insects cannot understand human language."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you get if you cross a lion with a pig? nothing as the lion would more than likely end up eating the high in fat pig.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Black a Jew and a Pollack walk in to the bar bartender says "how may i help you gentlemen"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Alright, if you guess it right, I'll stop playing Mario and finish my division problems. Okay, Mom, call it in the air! Heads or Tails? Huntington's Disease is the reason your Father doesn't remember your name anymore, Billy. There's a fifty percent chance you'll end up with it too. I am so sorry. Also, Tails.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

1 + 1 = 2 If it was equal to 11 the problem would be impossible

thumb_up thumb_down +3

CHIIIICKKIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many jews died in a gas chamber? None because the holocaust is a myth.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Do you wanna build a snowman? Person: do you wanna live * or nah

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a deer with no eyes? I don't Know, but we should inform the RSPCA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's so funny about a heart attack? It's not kidney failure..

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Where did John go after the explosion? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops