GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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Why did the child with terminal cancer and leprosy get sent to the principal's office? Because his parents and brother died in a car accident, and the principal though he should be informed.

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why couldnt the gay man marry??? cause he was dead.

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Fat people are harder to kidnap!!

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Why didn't the Mammoth go to school? Because his species went extinct before the development of organized education. And he's also a Mammoth.

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Two gay guys go into a bedroom, in different houses at different times.

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? "Hey Joe, how's the family?"

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Why did the archaeologist bury his brother? Because he was dead.

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How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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Why did the blonde buy a condom? Because she had a penis.

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Womens' rights.

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What does mens "man sauce" and babies have in common? They're both fun to make and easy to kill...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a whore, Let's have sex.

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women's lacrosse.

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Did you know why people actually fear clowns? Because slapstick humor is dead

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

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Microsoft Windows

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why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

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What's worse than your mother dying in a car crash? Your father dying in the same crash.

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-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

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Wha'ts Slippery when wet? A Wet Slipper.

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So two muffins are in an oven. They get baked.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from dry roasted peanuts, while jam is a product made with whole fruit, that is cut into pieces or crushed.

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Banana(s)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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