Roses Are Red Lemons are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour

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Kittens.

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Why can't an elephant smoke cigarettes? They do not posses the fine motor skills.

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Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

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Bin Laden is dead.

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hi

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Knock Knock Come in, the door's open.

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I avhe dyiaexls.

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What do you call a man with no brain? dead.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a whore, Let's have sex.

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

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here's a great way to ruin someone's 'knock knock' joke: Knock knock Come in!

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How did the fat man die? Clogged arteries leading to a heart attack.

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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women's lacrosse.

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What's funny about suicide? Nothing, that's horrible.

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whats the differnce between a baby and a dart board? dart boards dont bleed.

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your life

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What do you call a box with a dead Jew in? A coffin.

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Did you know why people actually fear clowns? Because slapstick humor is dead

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Why was the woman convicted or arson? She set her house on fire. Why did she set her house on fire? Her husband was beating her.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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