What is the difference between a grape and an elephant? They are both grapes, except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar. It happens frequently at UK airports.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q. what did the refuge from uganda say to his mom when he was riding his bike A. look ma no hands.....

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock. Whos there? Satan.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar... And orders a drink

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did you know Dr Pepper isn't really a doctor?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock! Who's there? The police, we found your cat's body on the side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So dont touch it

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's silver and bad for your teeth? A wrench

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends on gender and environment, but a fully grown, adult, male polar bear weighs from 800 to 1600 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"I love you, you love me" And you didn't just read that; you sang it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

- I have cancer. - SUCK IT UP!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A black woman and an Asian woman are both driving their cars. They arrive safely at their respective destinations.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats the difference between a black man and a bench a bench can support a family

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the ckicken cross the road? to kiss my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +3

1 + 1 = 2 If it was equal to 11 the problem would be impossible

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's white and comes out of a long black stick? Milk with a long black straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Tom get for Christmas? Gloves, but Tom had no arms. Knock knock? Who's there? NOT TOM

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A tragic accident waiting to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is this, a center for ants? No, this is a model of the building proportionally smaller than the one we will be building.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

baby seal walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +1

42

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What olympic event is Kosovo best known for getting gold? Kosovo is the world's newest country and therefore does not yet have complete international recognition.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops