How do you know a dude is dead? He doesn't breath, he has no color in the face and his heart has stoped.

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Q:What did the policemen say to the other policemen? A:Safe

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suck my dick.

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Q:whats the easiest way to get crabs? A:at your local seafood market.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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hi

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Homosexual babies? It's a choice

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Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

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Did you know why people actually fear clowns? Because slapstick humor is dead

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How many perverts does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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Whats worse than meeting kim kardashian? everything shes the hottest freakin celeb there is

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Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

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What comes to mind when you say the word "Mind?" Your Mind

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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Person 1: Do you want to hear a joke? Person 2: Sure! Person:1: That was the joke... You missed it!!!!!

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Do you know that car over there? No.

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Yo mommas so stupid, she got raped.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

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I'm not as random as you think i salad.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from dry roasted peanuts, while jam is a product made with whole fruit, that is cut into pieces or crushed.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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