- Anti Joke

How do you make Sasuke cry? Kill his family

Roses are red, violets are blue, cheeseburger.

Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms. They were lost in a tractor accident.

d

So a magician was driving down the road and then he turned into a driveway!

Your Mama's so fat she need some serious medication treating overweight.

A boss walks into a bar and hires the first man he sees. He fires everyone else, no matter what their occupation.

what is brown and rhymes with snoop? dr dre

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

How many black guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None can, since noone can work together because they cant see eachother.

snooki from jersey shore walks into a bar and gets arrested.

What do you call a white man in the NBA? A really good basketball player

A terrorist walks into a bar and shoots his virgin

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

what do you call a shoe with legs? roadrunners.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems don't rhyme, This one doesn't.

What did the African boy get for Christmas? Nothing because he celebrates Kwanza.

God lets 3 people from hell come into heaven every year on chisrtmas based on how bad their last day on earth was. Its chistmas and god is standing a the gate of heaven and the first person comes up and god says, "Tell me what happend to you on your last day on earth" and the man says, " i thought my wife was cheating on me so i went to my apartment to check on her and i saw a man on the deck so pushed him off but i didnt know it was my brother. he caught onto the railing so i smashed his fingers with a sledge hammer and he fell 200 ft. Sadly he landed on a bush and survived and so i took the refridguator and through it on him but right after i did i had a heart atack" Then god lets him in to heaven. Then he has the next person come up and god asks him the same question. the man replies, " i was at my brotheres house when some crazy guy pushes me off the my brothers deck but luckily my fingers get caught onthe railing, Then the crazy guy takes a hammer and hits my fingers and i fall but land on a bush. Then the man throughs a refridguator and i get killed." God chuckles and lets him into heaven. The next person comes up and says," picture this, naked in a refridguator." excpaination: the man in tthe refriduator was cheating with the 1st mans wife.

If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.

What's better than Justin Bieber's new hit single, "Baby"? Everything

Why did the man not get home to his loving family? He blew up.

This is not a good joke.

"Safe place" hah! Anyway, I see... Eliza Light Please Veronica... the easiest damn code I ever heard, but strangely I suddenly remember that Nero Septimus left me some information to provide you, I am by the way well... Lets just say that you and I used to date for a while, and if I know you right, there is no way in hell you ever dated somebody else, well that`s a damn shame, I hope you are happily married or something. You see, Nero7 was sick but did not exactly decide to lead the first group at random, our little friend here "Major6" which is still in shock and of no help, was the one tasked with that mission as only he and Nero7 knew where the hidden exits The people of his order could get out from without gaining too much attention from the rest. I myself was delayed but led the second and final strike, got pretty badly wounded myself and while Nero was alive when we found him, we well... How to put this gentle... (never been my forte), had to put him down, as leaving whatever was left of him alive was, well, not only against our desires, I am sorry if I am being too graphic here, but I understand that you need the answers you seek. I know that Neo-Nero does not exactly inspire trust (Nazis etc) but it is there for a reason, anyway, we are tasked to send you "the shadow unit" from which after some days of painfully long code deciphering you should be able to contact us for more information, as per the codes behind the long ass messages I left behind, you dont worry yourself with that if you ever need our assistance. I am also to tell you that while we where trained by Nero7 which told you he was 37 because he thought he was (he was about 31-32 years of age, which means you too are probably a little older if he truly raised you) but despite that we never acted... Well, as we are doing now, not breaking any laws and such, we simply kept in shape and began training others seeing that our age could one day become a hindrance to achieving our objectives. ...Simply put, Nero was never responsible for anything than sacrificing his life in order to get as many people out as possible, the sad part is that many of "his people" where the fucking idiots that alerted the "bad guys" of our presence. Now for the lesser good news (well, I am tired, I might have gotten this the wrong way here). Nero did not break your bio-fathers fingers, in fact Nero was so fucking high on painkillers by then that he made your asshole father type much of the crap, now on the other hand, I am happy to share that your bio-dad as great of a guy as he actually grew into according to Nero, was well, treated pretty much the same way Nero did, except that he was dead by the time we got to him... Lucky bastard died of a shock, now as for Nero, I am sorry to say that he was far more of a both physically and durable son of a bitch than your bio-dad, he refused to give up the codes, as for what he went trough, its far worse than what we imagined possible, and what we could imagine by then, was pretty savage already, understand that while I personally shot Nero it was an act of mercy, lets just say that if he had a tongue by the point we found him, if he still had a tongue or eyes to signal us with, he would have told us to kill him, I personally never knew a man could endure that much shit and survive, and pity him for taking all that. And I to be honest, that makes you and him the only people I have felt pity for ever. He knew he would not make it, so he wrote a long ass letter (more like a novel sized book) before he left, we cant pass it to you until you use our means of communications, you never know whats out there sadly, and well, this piece of shit site... You know... If people found out where you lived, even the former members, they could potentially have kidnapped you for ransom or so I would show them mercy or something. I want you to know that I am not exactly following Nero`s vision to the letter, but truth be told I am pissed, and until that anger is gone, I wont be able to lead anyone nor anything, so yeah, let the people that deserve it, pay the price I say. Btw "The good Major6 is away and believed that we would kill him out of pity if he talked, and leave his family unharmed, thing is that while he still has hours to days of torture worthy material left in him, his family is in no harm nor ever will be, its just part of his "tortural process" to believe that his wife and daughters are being... "molested" we do lots of shit now sadly, but rape is not exactly within our code of "ethics", Sorry if I sound a bit pompous, I am just struggling with the fact that I am pissed, and trying to keep the details clear but light, I just hope you believe me that Nero was a great friend of mine (hell he even introduced me to you, what does that say to you now, hell not a lot I believe, truth is that I am tired, as while some of my "people" are taking a liking to this torture thing, it makes me really sick... Good thing I got them to administer justice for me. For whatever it is worth, I do not think you need more than the usual code and the name you knew me by, I can spare a few minutes before I doze off despite the screams here, (only the good general is left so well, I can be fair, not sure how fair this is anymore though, but I could not give a shit. The name that you know me by is Seth by the way, Seth Lastname Noneofyourbusiness. Lastly (I might be repeating myself, I am not exactly much of a writer, I am quite the speaker though) I just want you to know that we are by "a bridge too far" and that we can send someone (like me) to bring you over here, I insist actually, because while that funny jackass Nero insisted I did not read the "letter" he wrote to you, his very last words are something among the lines off... lets see here... "Seth you fucking douchebag, I knew all along you would read this just in order to find out if I ever F**ked my own stepdaughter, and you should be fucking ashamed if I dont make it back, you know that after that ridiculous game metal gear solid V came out, this whole "metal arm thing became something of a joke, so I dont expect to make it back Ps: Seth, fuck you!" What can I say... I am a douchebag, but hey, at least he knew right? Sub-Nero... Honestly speaking about gaming characters, its just my way of saying I am afraid there is no way I can live up to your old man (Nero), but, neither do I intend to as of yet, I know you quit the original order years ago, but id appreciate it if you stay with us for a while, you know... So you can tell us more regarding your old man`s vision for this world... We are kinda really relying on that for now.

ring ring young man: dad? mom's dead? woman: i think you dialed the wrong number young man: .......oh im sorry, you're absolutely right, silly me! woman: don't worry about it. young man: (chuckles) click

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops