What would Martin Luther King Jr. be today if he was white? Alive.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, it won't come.

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Hey, I want to because you are really sweet and deserve it, and damn you are hot, but thats secondary in your case, in every case actually, otherwise I would just be doing it with meat whose soul and thoughts I hate/dislike/detest/etc, and that is not who I am. Once huh? I mean I said night/day/shower/breakfast table... Not so sure I can last for that long with a girl as hot and sweet as you for that long. Kidding, hey, best friend huh? Wow, I mean that`s really sweet, and you are really a special friend to me, but uh, to be honest, best friend? I barely know you... I hate this part of myself, I am blunt with that honesty thing, I may just have insulted you, but you know, I also need to be able to live with myself If I am going to enjoy life.

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What is worse than getting a paper cut? Your whole family dying to MERS in Peru before you were old enough to remember any of them.

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How many apples fit in a garbage bag? I actually don't know. I was asking you.

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Why couldn't Little Timmy see the pirate movie? Because Little Timmy was blind.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a cooler? 5. using a blender to puree` = 9

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How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

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"Hello." "Hi."

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A man walks into a bar. Jeremy Lin congratulates him for being a person.

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i felt like burning some calories so i lit a fat kid on fire

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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What do you call someone that hates gay people? An asshole.

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whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? ones delicious and the other is a watermelon

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How many ADD kids dose it take to screw in a light bulb? one; the attention deficit disorder dose not take away the ability too screw in a light bulb.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? We'll.. Pretty much everything I can think of.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead.

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The WNBA.

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What do you call a guy selling drugs? A pharmacist

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Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

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Why did the cow go moo, because its a cow

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Why did the boy eat his homework? Because he already ate his dog.

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roses are red violets are blue kiss my ass you god damb goe..

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A blonde's house is on fire so she calls the fire department and they ask her how to get there. She gives them the address, but they hear her wrong and she dies a horrible fiery death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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