There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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Two people were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

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What do you call a man with short legs? Whatever his name is

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What's worst then lose 100$ Lose 101$

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What's a golfer's favorite sandwich? Well, it depends on the golfer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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Your Momma is so ugly, she got plastic surgery.

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What did the penis say to the vagina? Nothing, genitalia can't speak.

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Why didn't the bear go snowboarding? It was hibernating

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Why did the dog's chin get all scraped up? He didn't have any front legs.

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Why did the man jump off of the cliff? Because he was suicidal.

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why did stacey marry bally because she loves him

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what did the monkey say to the breast cancer?

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How do you catch a squirrel? Use a live, humane trap, and release it back into the wild afterwards.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "what'll it be?" The horse, unable to understand human language. Takes a shit and walks out.

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what do you get if you cross a lion with a pig? nothing as the lion would more than likely end up eating the high in fat pig.

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Why did the boy commit suicide? Because he was bullied at school and felt it was the right decision.

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What do you call a man who just came home from a 72-hour work shift ? You don't call him, you let him sleep.

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Why was the elderly, Asian, blond pulled over by the officer? She was, and has been completely blind since birth.

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My friend may look like a circle but..... ......He's actually a square.......

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A woman goes to the hospital to receive an ultra-sound after taking a pregnancy test a few weeks before. The doctor comes out and says "Congratulations Susanne would you like to know the results? Susanne says "No thank you." Then, the doctor says "Good, because its actually a retarded baby that we found."

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You know George Washington? He died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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