Hey, I just met you And this is crazy, but you're getting too close And I'm about to file a restraining order, so back up, maybe?

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I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

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A man walks into a car dealership. The salesman was nice and he bought a Mercedes.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: 9/11

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What did the penis say to the vagina? Nothing, genitalia can't speak.

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Goon Bear+Homo= Corey Jacobs True Story

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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Jim fell of his bike, wanna know how. Someone threw a car at him. Knock knock, who's there, not Jim

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Why did the man jump off of the cliff? Because he was suicidal.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Statistically speaking, in a brief survey done by the United States Traffic Commission, they stated that a standard 4-door sedan had the highest percentile of drivers. So, in regards to the legal system, a person may only fit, in fact, 5 jews in a car.

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why did the old woman die? Because she was too old to live

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Q; Why does paint dry? A; Because plankton are single cell organisms

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Two blonds are racing. Who wins? The first one to pass he finish line.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a car.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

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Why don't I ever lmao? Because my ass got bitten off by a bear.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "what'll it be?" The horse, unable to understand human language. Takes a shit and walks out.

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Why was the girl crying? She got kicked in the vagina

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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't put it in a basket.

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Windows Vista

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Why did the japanese bomb pearl harbor? they wanted to weaken the US naval fleet to stop the US embargo on oil being shipped to japan

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My friend may look like a circle but..... ......He's actually a square.......

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What did the cow call the hen? A hen, what else would you call it?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops