A boy watches as a firefighter saves a little girl from a fire and looks at his mom saying "I want to be a firefighter when i grow up mommy" The mom looks down and replies "Silly kid you're not gunna grow up you have leukemia."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

People talk about how there grandparents was in the holocaust well my grandpa was to he died. How he fell off the guard tower.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Homosexual babies? It's a choice

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

thumb_up thumb_down +35

yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How did the fat man die? Clogged arteries leading to a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What comes to mind when you say the word "Mind?" Your Mind

thumb_up thumb_down +33

how did the horse fall into the river? he sliped

thumb_up thumb_down +33

i like my women like i like my coffee...big boobs

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it. How do you make it stop crying? You throw another brick at it.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

how do you keep a blond in sespence you dont tell her

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the little girl fall down She was shot in the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are brown. Violets are brown. It's the middle of winter. Flowers look like poop.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why couldn't the women drive? She was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from dry roasted peanuts, while jam is a product made with whole fruit, that is cut into pieces or crushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops