Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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How are a plum and a rabbit alike? Theyre both purple except for the rabbit.

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I came.

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That's a lie, buffaloes are extinct now

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Abraham Lincoln was the 16th Presient of the United States of America. The president to follow him was Andrew Johnson, president number 17.

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whats brown and black and sits in a tree...... a bird

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Why did the young woman have a sore vagina? Because she just experienced intercourse for the first time and her partner was not as gentle as he should've been, given the situation.

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- knock knock. ... - knock knock. ... - heey! ... (There is nobody at home.)

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Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waste down and had no way of feeling

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why was the girl in the corner with a knife? she's an emo

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Your momma is so boss that I work for her.

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NEVER

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Why don't I ever lmao? Because my ass got bitten off by a bear.

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How do you make a napkin dance? You can't. Stop having such unrealistic aspirations.

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Doctor! Doctor! Can I have a second opinion? The Doctor then sits the patient down and tells them from a different perspective that they have terminal Cancer and will be dead by the end of the year.

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i said "what what in the butt, i said what what in the butt?"

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http://www.ladsta.com

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Why did the jew break his iPhone? He dropped it when i shot him in the face.

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Dont be silly, you know that everything is relative, and that relativity is as unlimited as the subconscious mind, give me ten more minutes, and I can hypnotize you in five minutes in order to see life in slow motion yourself for as long as you feel like. Just dont expect your body to adjust like mine, meaning that if you try to run, your brain will use its old habits while your perception is used to the slow ones... In other words, you will end up on the floor or smacking into a wall.

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obama is a good president

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What are the things that define you? The things that define you.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. We have reason to believe you are hiding large amounts of narcotics in your residence and have obtained a search warrant for the premises. Open the door or we will be required to use forceful means of entry.

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Man I'm Bored Nice to meet you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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