Why can't an elephant smoke cigarettes? They do not posses the fine motor skills.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

dumbledore says,"today we will learn new spells,any questions?" a student says,"are you serious?" dumbledore says,"no he is in jail for a crime he didn't commit,sort of like the a-team."

thumb_up thumb_down +49

A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

There once was a beautiful princess named Snow White who lived with seven dwarves in the forest. One day, and old hag approached her and offered her an apple. She bit into the apple, chewed, and said,"Wow, that's tasty. Is this a Golden Delicious?" The hag said, "Why yes, it is. I have a private orchard. Perhaps I'll let you see it some time." The two promptly resumed their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the archaeologist bury his brother? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: What did the black guy say when he stubbed his toe? A: Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the chicken cross the road? To mourn the loss of his daughter who died due a fatal car crash, caused by him while he was driving. across the street

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why couldn't the little boy skate? He had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair because he had cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +37

- Knock Knock. - Who's there? - You're coming with me.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Homosexual babies? It's a choice

thumb_up thumb_down +35

what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Wha'ts Slippery when wet? A Wet Slipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why was Susie screaming profusely? Susie has autism.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops