a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and the cut his head off

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Ask me if I am a bus. Are you a bus? No.

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Why couldn't the prostitute count to 70? She grew up in a poor family and couldn't pay for a good education.

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what's faster than a jet? a speeding bullet. what's faster than a speeding bullet? light.

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A handicapped man rolls into a bar. He buys a drink, talks for a while, and rolls out.

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What do a bunch of dead babies look like in a blender? I don't know I was too busy masturbating.

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snooki from jersey shore walks into a bar and gets arrested.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because a stranger stole his shirt.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Pizza. Pizza who? Delivery.

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People Eating Tasty Animals

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co jo kurwa tocza?

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Chuck Norris

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This difference is due largely to the alteration of the white light wavelenght as it excites the electrons in both flowers and the absorption of most of the other colours of the spectrum.

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Roses are green Violets are green I'm colour blind Everything is green

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Why did the sponge go to the store? The same reason all sponges go to stores: to be sold to patrons of said store.

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what has a huge nose and is jewish??? Henery Miller!!!!!

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A jew, an Arab, and A Scientist walk into a bar. The arab self explodes and kills them all

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No

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I'm gay.

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how do you get a emo kid out of a tree? cut him down get it: because he was depressed and so poor that he couldn't afford a hair cut or new clothes. he also had single mother whose boyfriend sexually abused him so he was confused about his sexuality. Then people just called him "emo" and said he was acting out so they ignored him and he never gave him help when he asked for it because they said he just wanted attention so he killed himself

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Q: Why did the paraplegic go to the gym? A: to watch his friend work out

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Your mom is so poor, she contributes to the high unemployment of the country and didn't even have enough money to feed her family so Social Services came in and took them away

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What would Martin Luther King Jr. be today if he was white? Alive.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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