What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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What's worse than a School Bus accident? The Holocaust.

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What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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A black man and a Mexican are hired as day laborers by a white man. The black man cleans the house while the Mexican mows and trims the yard. Both are hard-working and attempting to provide for their families in a down economy.

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Why was the panda sad? It's family died when China had an earthquake.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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Wanna here somethin funny? Nope.avi

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What's the most annoying thing in the world? Yourself. (Your friends are saying it too, behind your back)

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. Your family is dead.

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your mom is so old she was put in an old age home

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A young boy is concerned about his fathers health, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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A girlfriend scolds her boyfriend for "sitting on anti-joke all day." He then explains how it is impossible to sit on something that exists purely in digital form and instead noted it would be more correct to say sitting at a desk all day. She complied and saw the error of her ways.

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Why did the woman have sex with the man? Because she is over 18, which is above all of the legal consent ages in the United States.

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Why is Santa's sack so big? His doctor recently diagnosed him with testicular cancer.

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Q. What did the priest and the atler boy do in the back room of the church? A. Disscussed their feelings about the different meanings that could be derived from the daily scripture reading.

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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A black man is packing heat while driving his car. He is a police officer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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