What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

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"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

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What comes after 69? Mouthwash

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How do you get a black man off a swing? ask him.

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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Banana(s)

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Why did the white guy feel awkward at the black people convention? He didn't know anyone there

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A hot girl walks past a boy and the boy turns around and watches her pass. The girl sees the boy staring and asks with a slight attitude, "What are you looking at?", to which the boy replied, "Well, I noticed you walking towards me and I couldn't help but think 'Hmm..she looks familiar. Have I seen her at school? No. Work? No. Somewhere else? Perhaps.' I then concluded that I've never seen you before and then you turned around and asked me what I was looking at. What are YOU looking at?"

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A man walks in a bar. He walks out.

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Fuck her

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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FIONN'S HAIR 1 LIKE = £1 FOR A HAIRCUT

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Why did johnny fall down? He got hit in the head with a brick

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So two Jews walk into a bar... Its nice that they take missionary work to new heights

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yo mama so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the size of the door...

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? That she should train harder for her next boxing match, or find a less physically demanding hobby to partake in.

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If you are going down the road in your boat and the pedal falls off how many cheese burgers can you eat 21 because a motorcycle doesnt have doors.

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How did the people get into the pyramid?? They didn't

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What happened to the black man when his alarm went off? He got up and took a shower. Then he got dressed and went to church because it was Sunday.

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Why would anyone try to run from a fight if:Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog? I wasn't even talking about dogs and fight isn't something in you! Next time, don't listen to your football coach.

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Penis jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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