Q: What is long and hard? A: The gun used to kill my parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, Violets are red, The grass is red, The garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did the joke say to the anti-joke? do you want to fight

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The procrastinators association meeting has been postponed. - Anonymous

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Poopsack Jones

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man asked another man what he was doing the next day. The man then proceeded to tell him that he had not intended on having any plans due to the fact that he was planning on killing himself within the next twenty three hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A priest and a rabbi walk into a mosque.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the Irisman say to the bartender? Don't know? i don't speak Irish?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you Jewish? No. That's what Anne Frank said, too.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

HTML

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Person 1: It's your birthday? Person 2: Yeah! Person 1: Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man I'm Bored Nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

The real Justin Beiber reallly followed me on twitter I deleted my account, set my computer on fire, scattered the ashes and killed myself

thumb_up thumb_down +5

guns don't kill people. casey anthoney kills people.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Scenario: 2 guys with big feet and a camels Anus are hiking on Mount Everest with a set of elephants dildos Man 1: what's the difference between a Volkswagen and a clock? Man 2: what? Man 1: you can't toboggan of a green house roof with a tub of Vaseline and a ostrich party on lady gaga's Anus

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's has 4 wheels But ain't a blue car A red car

thumb_up thumb_down +5

whats the difference between a snail? - both legs are the same lenght, especially the left one.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the plumber kill his family? He wasn't a very good plumber.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

little travis puts hedgehogs in his poop chute

thumb_up thumb_down -1

The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money issues and how she wanted a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man: "Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor: "You have aids"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the old lady but her Jelly In her roller skates and dress them up like a doll? She has Dementia

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the little boy sad? Because a stranger stole his shirt.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Two Jewish Rabbis are sitting in a sandbox....

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops