You: I have a really funny Knock Knock joke but you have to start it. Someone Else: Okay, Knock Knock You: Who's there? (now watch their face as they become confused)

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Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

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Your momma is SOO FAT that I had to call my doctor. He said you should go on a diet and exercise. I called my local gym and gave your mom a 3 months membership. Monday to Friday. Your welcome and good luck.

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whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? the wheelchair

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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How do you find Nemo? Watch the movie.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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What's worse than a School Bus accident? The Holocaust.

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a chicken

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Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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why is the room so dark? because the light is not on.

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What's funny about a Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian going over the edge of a bridge in the same car? Nothing, they all died

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam doesn't order a drink because it is strictly against his religious beliefs.

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A priest, a rabbi and a captain are in a sinking ship. The rabbi says let's save the children. The captain says f*ck the children. The priest days do we have time.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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