Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms ... Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What s faster than a black guy with a TV? His brother with a VCR.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-Knock knock -Come on in!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

OK, A plane carrying 200 passengers crashes on the border between America and Canada. Which side of the border do you bury the victims? Well, it would depend on where the passengers where from or what they had stipulated in their living will. I suppose some would be cremated which opens up a whole other can of worms entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's brown and sticky? -A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

how many fish does it take to turn on a lightbulb None, lightbulbs dont work in the ocean

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's the deal with airline food? It's nourishing matter that sustains life, provides energy, and promotes growth distributed by flight attendants.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What does Lady Gaga call Hitler? Nothing special because she doesn't refer to him in everyday's speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Jacob Edwards has friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

thumb_up thumb_down +37

the chicken whent boomand then died

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the black say when an asian knocked him out? Nothing, he was knocked out

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats the difference between pizza and Jews Pizzas dont scream when their put in the oven

thumb_up thumb_down +35

yo mama is so fat, she should seriously consider gastric bypass surgery, morbid obesity is extremely detrimental to one's health

thumb_up thumb_down +35

You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

whats worse than a worm in a rotten apple? 2 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 2 worms in a rotten apple? 3 worms in a rotten apple. whats worse than 3 worms in a rotten apple? the haulocaust. whats worse than the haulocaust? 4 worms in a rotten apple. wait wait...that was rascist,nevermind this joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A blond walked into a bar. A guy picked her up and then they had sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Stop being racist!Be a panda. They are black white and asian!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man falls into a lake but no one is around to help him, luckily the man can swim so he got out of the lake and went home feeling embarrassed

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Knock knock Who's there? What.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops