"hey" said an elephant to another elephant... "why can I talk?" the other elephan did not reply because it is normal and cannot speak or understand the first elephant. And a man near by thinks he's dreaming so he strips down and runs around naked to be tazed on his left testicle an the. Falls into the crocodile enclosure. But they pay no attention because they are docile after being in the zoo so long. But he did land on his balls and is crying.

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When Jesus came back from the dead the first thing he said was "It was just a prank bro!"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Onions stink. And so do you.

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GLaDOS: So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious! GLaDOS: The end. GLaDOS: The end? GLaDOS: That's not funny. GLaDOS: Do either of you feel like laughing? GLaDOS: Alright, I'm pulling you out. GLaDOS: Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen. GLaDOS: As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers. GLaDOS: At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse. GLaDOS: Briefly. GLaDOS: Reactions? GLaDOS: Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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Kittens.

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your mother's head is so big that she wears very big hats.

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What's the difference between me and you? Dr. Dre

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How do you make a bowl of cheese? First you get a bowl. Then insert the cheese.

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Knock Knock Come in, the door's open.

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what is black, white, and red all over? A bloody panda

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How many jews can you fit in a car? However many seats there are

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How did the chicken cross the road? On it's chicken wings.

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A man and a women have a conversation. Man: what's 2 + 2 Woman: four. Man: you're correct.

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Hey, want to hear a joke? Women's Rights

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What do you call a black armless legless man I Don't know but im kind of hungry

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? a boyscout comes back from camp.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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Do you know that car over there? No.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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Knock knock Who's there? What.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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