There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two (I sense the public demanding an encore) There once was a man from Verdun There's also a limerick about Emperor Nero, but I can't tell it to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

You're mom is so slutty, she has sex with many men.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? Jewish people do not celebrate Christmas, for Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, celebrated generally on December as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide. Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations, is celebrated by an increasing number of people, and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-How do you pull a prank on Helen Keller? -Stick a plunger in the toilet!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Womens rights. Are extremely valuable because women are equal.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was my teacher depressed? Because she wanted to live in her pasta

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How do you get a black man off a swing? ask him.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the girl hang herself? She was constantly bullied in school and on the internet.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam doesn't order a drink because it is strictly against his religious beliefs.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he wanted to

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man walks into a bar. End of story.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was Lucile crying? Because she was sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops