What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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How do you make a dog drink? You put the dog in a blender

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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A hot girl walks past a boy and the boy turns around and watches her pass. The girl sees the boy staring and asks with a slight attitude, "What are you looking at?", to which the boy replied, "Well, I noticed you walking towards me and I couldn't help but think 'Hmm..she looks familiar. Have I seen her at school? No. Work? No. Somewhere else? Perhaps.' I then concluded that I've never seen you before and then you turned around and asked me what I was looking at. What are YOU looking at?"

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What did Santa Claus get for Christmas? Non-believers.

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Q: I am an over-protective father looking for my son who was kidnapped and am suddenly traveling with a mentally retarded woman who cant remember her name. By the way my wife was murdered and my son has physical disorder. Then, im hooked up with a hippy who doesnt care about anything. Who am I? A: Marlin the clownfish (from Finding Nemo).

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Patrick is gay

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knock knock who's there? julian julian who? julian gonzalez

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A horse walks into a glue factory..

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Why did the boy stop playing nintendo 64? He choked on a red M and M and struggled for air until he fell lifelessly on the floor, landing on his pet mole, furthermore, dying and killing the animal as well. It was loose loose situation.

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what's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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What do you get when you combine High Fructose corn syrup. sunflower oil, carbohydrates, and water. How the heck should I know!

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a rabbi sees a nazi in time square. he simply walks past because as we are in america the nazi can do nothing to harm him.

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guess what? chicken butt.

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Why is Santa's sack so big? His doctor recently diagnosed him with testicular cancer.

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What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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KEVIN HART

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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Q: why did suzy fall off the swing? A: she had no arms. Knock knock. Q: who's there? A: not suzy!

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

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Q. How did Kit Kat candy bars get their name? A. It was chosen by manufacturer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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