How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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a boy walks in a house and mother says hi who are you and the boy says does it really matter whad really maters is wht you will do about your dead son

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

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look left now look right. washing machine

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Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

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Why is the grass always greener on the other side? because they have a landscaper.

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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows? They all just sit and bitch about it.

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yo mama so fat, she wheres glasses to see better!

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do you know what's so funny? yup

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A young boy is concerned about his fathers health, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Father Dougal Mcguire

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Why did the fly get off the toilet? It got pissed off.

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What's the most annoying thing in the world? Yourself. (Your friends are saying it too, behind your back)

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Never said that friend, anyway I got to put this down, people are asking why I am typing anti jokes. Well, they should all know how much I love spamming by now. ;). Now, you better do not have someone hack this site, it will be a hell of a lot easier explaining this, if this information is not recovered much later, days after getting hacked away. Give it three months, half a year or so, and I will contact you if you like. Have a nice day.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

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*Knock-Knock* "Who's there?" "The police, you're under arrest for the murder of your wife and your two children."

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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yo mama's so ugly, it affects her self esteem.

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How many drunk Irishmen did it take to change the lightbulb? None, the bulb was fine.

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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How do you kill one Jew. A gun. How do you kill a thousand Jews. With a millon angery germans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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