A man walks into a bar. Several hours later he staggers out and drives into an oncoming school bus, killing all occupants. He survives to live with the grief for the rest of his life and attempts to commit suicide several times.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did the thief steal the kitchen sink? Everything else was stolen by another thief earlier in the day.

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whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? the wheelchair

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?2 guys walk into a bar. One gets a beer the other get water.

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Why did the women keep scratching her head? Because she had lice

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Your mom is so fat, when she sat on a lump of coal she didn't realize she sat on a lump of coal.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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why did the baby cross the road? i stapled his head to a chicken!

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how did the chicken cross the road. it didnt.

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How do you kill a down-syndrome kid? fire.

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Where did the 5 gay guys go? One direction

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a little girl gets raped

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A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: I am.

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What do divorce and a loose bear in a zoo have in common? They both tear families apart

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What do you call a black person playing basketball? An athlete.

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look left now look right. washing machine

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What's the difference between a train and a lamp? A lot

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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From SpongeBob SquarePants "Hey Patrick, wanna know what's funnier than 24??" - SpongeBob "What?" - Patrick " 25!!!!" - SpongeBob There are a lot of things that are funnier than 24 though.

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Your Mom... is a very nice lady who makes good cookies

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What smells, tastes, and looks like trash? Garbage.

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Is this Chick-fil-a? No, this is Joe.

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What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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