How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

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come along children

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? They threw a fridge at her.

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Of two wrongs don't make a right what do they make? I don't know but three rights make a left

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Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

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there are 2 black guys and a spanish guy in a car. who is driving? a sober, US citizen over the age of 16

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What do you call a disabled Jew? His name

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Why did the little boy die? Because he had cancer.

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Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police, your wife just died

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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam doesn't order a drink because it is strictly against his religious beliefs.

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for his birthday? Broken arms and legs

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

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What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure Ok.

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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Why couldnt the black man drink from the water fountain? Because the water fountain was broken.

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Black people are clen.

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look left now look right. washing machine

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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