-Knock Knock -Who is it? -Your father, i forgot my keys.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is brown, smells like shit and on fire? A muslim after the bomb vest malfuctioned!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

96

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats gets stiff when you have sex with it? A dead body.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats funnier than killing a black guy. Nothing, it's not funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, Violets are red, The grass is red, The garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer .

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you kill a blonde? lightsabre to the throat should do it

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violet are blue, SURPRISE!!! Im about to rape you.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said the the man running the stand hey ba ba ba got any grapes? the man said no but i got some shut the F*CK up!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why don't I ever lmao? Because my ass got bitten off by a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why isn't Neil Patrick Harris like Barney Stinson in real life? Because he's gay

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

obama is a good president

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock Knock. Come in. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats white and cant fly an aeroplane? A fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So there's this bigass moose, and it goes in the store and it asks the lady bitch "where the potatoes at" and the lady bitch says "down aisle 5" so the moose goes down to isle 5 and there aint no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and the cut his head off

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q:Waht did the blind deaf kid get for chrismas? A: Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Me: do u you want to here a joke You: ya Me: Woman's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +1

No.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Ask me if I am a bus. Are you a bus? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops