What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? You should ice those to preven swelling aron the eyes

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Need homeless tips? Get A Job.

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If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

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How do you kill a blue elephant, with a blue elephant gun, how do you kill a pink elephant, you strangle it until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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A squirrel got killed by getting hit by a truck haha its funny cuz the squirrel died

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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What happens every 10 seconds in Africa? 10 seconds passes by.

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Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy

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What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

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How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? Jewish people do not celebrate Christmas, for Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ, celebrated generally on December as a religious and cultural holiday by billions of people around the world. A feast central to the Christian liturgical year, it closes the Advent season and initiates the twelve days of Christmastide. Christmas is a civil holiday in many of the world's nations, is celebrated by an increasing number of people, and is an integral part of the Christmas and holiday season.

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A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, "I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first?" "Give us the bad news first", the parents reply. "Your baby has red hair", says the doctor. "Well whats the good news", ask the parents. "It’s dead", says the doctor.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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What do you get when you kill a black man? The death penalty.

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Whats worst than being attacked by a tiger? Being attacked by 2 tigers.

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memes

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to.

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What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

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Why did the person play his XBOX 360? because he felt like it.

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Robin, get in the car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops