How do you know when a guy wants to have sex with you? When he rapes you

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What do you get when you cross a horse and a pony? A mule

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Knock Knock Who's There? Just open the damn door I forgot my key and I really need to pee

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69

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dementia Dementia who Knock, Knock

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Pianca going ham

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Why did the man loose his balls? he had testicular cancer and had to get them removed.

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A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

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What did the Atheist say in the church? His best friend's eulogy.

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Why did the pie cross the road? I have no idea, why not ask it?

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Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Everyone on board died.

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WNBA

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What's worse than failing out of high school? Finding out your mom has cancer.

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Why did James come back to drive the boat again this year? Because he likes driving boats and towing passengers

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How can you tell Egyptian Bees are tired? When they put down their suitcases and yell "IM Tired!"

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Some people are like Slinkies: they get really boring after a while.

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Fuck her

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How many Chinese men people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Anyone can screw in a light bulb, regardless of race or gender.

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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what are three words that are never used together in the same sentence ...... salid taste good

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jess is a drama queen am i right rishi ?

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What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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