- Anti Joke

Knock knock! Who's there? Dick! Dick who? Dick Stewart, your neighbor from next door!

Once upon a time, You have a nice rack...

I like my women like I like my coffee... Without a penis.

roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

There was a blond girl, a redhead, and a brunette. They all walk into a hotel and are granted equally friendly desk service because hair color is not a reliable indicator of intelligence or economic status.

A plane is flying from NY to Canada, but crashes on the border. Where do you bury the survivors? You don't bury survivors.... Just kidding, there were no survivors

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. It's funny because the robot has no arms.

Why is jim gay? because he likes men

Women's rights.

whats better than a dead baby..... wait..... whats worse than a dead baby...... never mind its not that funny anymore

Knock Knock. Come in. -mattobrado

What do a bunch of dead babies look like in a blender? I don't know I was too busy masturbating.

Pirate ships are used by pirates.

When life gives you Lebanon, make lebanonanade.

A: Ask me if I'm a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

What is black and white and green and red and purple and orange and magenta and brown and yellow all at the same time? Can you tell me? Cause I've got no clue.

Why did the indian man take the peanuts out of his lunch? Because he's allergic.

Why was the man running from the cops? His car broke down.

A seal walks into a club.

your momma's an antijoke

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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