Human is to breast as breast is to nipple as nipple is to milk as milk is to HIV as HIV is to AIDS as AIDS is to death as death is to heaven or hell as heaven or hell is to Jesus or the Devil as Jesus is to God as God is to the Universe

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I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride??

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Yo Aodhan yer hands smell of pish

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Two guys walk into a bar, one is treated for a concussion.

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womens rights!

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Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Certainly not a newspaper. Nobody reads those anymore.

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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What did David say to Goliath? Not sure, does anyone have a Bible?

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What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

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What do you call a one-armed man Whatever his name is

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A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza? One is a popular Italian food and the other is a human being.

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed One fell down and bumped his head He suffered a serious concussion and was never the same again.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did the black man say to the latino man? Nothing he was far to busy trying to get a cab to his office meeting for his board of directors do not appreciate tardiness

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Why is Michael J Fox so good at using shake weights? Because he is motivated to stay in good physical shape.

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Robin, get in the car.

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OH NO, ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!

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Why was the panda sad? It's family died when China had an earthquake.

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What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

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What's the difference between a dead baby in my garage and a Ferrari in my garage? I don't have a Ferrari.

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Knock Knock Who's There? ... knock a door run

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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