What did Jimmy get for his birthday? Nothing, he was dead

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I've got the moobs like jagger.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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What did the terrorist have for breakfast? Scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice.

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Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

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What is 69? A two digit number.

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Why could the black man not fall asleep? The gunshots outside his home in Compton constantly awoke him

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What is the difference between a bench and a black man? It is socially acceptable to sit on a bench to eat your lunch. If you did so to a black man you would probably be arrested.

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whats better than shoes feet

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A dying homeless man walks into a Hospital. He is asked to leave because he doesn't have health insurance. He dies in a gutter next to where he shits.

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Q: what do strawberry and a cat have in common? A: they are both red except for the cat

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Why did James come back to drive the boat again this year? Because he likes driving boats and towing passengers

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What's worse than the titanic sinking 9-11

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On the last day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A letter saying she had gone bankrupt, as she had spent all her money buying me 12 pear trees, 35 golden rings, hiring maids and pipers and etc. for over 100 hours, and an innumerable amount of animals.

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Why did the dog go in the bar? Because the door was left open

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Who is the richest clown? You're probably thinking Ronald McDonald but its actually Barack Obama

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3 men- Greg-Allen-And James were on their way back from the bar. When the driver, Greg spun out of control. All of them died Instantly. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told them. " The better you were with Relationships, And loving just one person. The better Transportation you got." He bagan handing things out. " Well, Greg. Looks like you cheated on your most recent Girlfriend... Twice. You get a Bike." Next was Allen " Allen! Shame on you! You have dated 4 women at once! You get a Scooter!" And last was James. " James! You have stayed true to your wife! And all of your other ex- girlfriends. You get a Mustang!" Allen and Greg seen james, Sitting on his car, Upset. "Man! Whats wrong? You have the best thing you could get! I'd be happy!" James looks up and says " Thanks guys, But I just seen my Wife on A skateboard.."

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Why wasn't the child breastfed? Because it's mother died while in the process of giving birth and the father does not have the necessary mammary glands to produce human milk for the young child.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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I walked in on my daughter masturbating. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable, but I sat her down at the dining table to discreetly explain the necessity of locking doors.

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Your as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? THe NBA

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Black people

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Two cows are standing in a field One cow says "Mooooo"..... and the other cow says "mooooo" also because they are both cows and cannot speak

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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