A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did the Jew pick up the loose change on the ground?Because he has to use it for taxi money to get back home.

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What's big and black? A black fridge.

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Your mama's so fat, that during her last physical checkup, her attending physician informed her that it would be in her best interest to lose some weight before any serious medical conditions arose that would adversely affect her health and well being in a chronic fashion.

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Why couldn't the Little Boy hear his mother yelling at him? Because his mothers died

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Why was the Amish man dead? Because he fell off of his fridge, while trying to screw in a light bulb.

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Why does the cool aid man make it look so easy to break through? -To Get to The Other Side!!!!!!

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What's worse than Bin Weevils? Nick Clegg.

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Why did the 40 year old man quickly close his web page when his wife called his name? Because he had to leave.

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Why did the plane full of Arabs crash? One of The engines failed

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Who is the richest clown? You're probably thinking Ronald McDonald but its actually Barack Obama

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Why aren't Anti Jokes funny? Cuz they're against my religion.

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A man is talking to his friend at work. The man asks his friend, "Did you see the game last night?" Then a plane crashes into the building and we call it 911

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What did the doctor tell the boy with no arms or legs? I'm sorry, you have terminal cancer.

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A man walks into a doctor's office. He is diagnosed with cancer. After three years he dies.

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Today, I had intercourse with a teddy bear

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Two cows are standing in a field One cow says "Mooooo"..... and the other cow says "mooooo" also because they are both cows and cannot speak

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? You shouldn't eat Jews, unless your a cannibal for which you should seek psychological help.

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Your as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

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How do you kill a fox in Canada? Cut it's leg off and let it run!

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What do you call someone who states the obvious? Someone who states the obvious.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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