Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding, Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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What do you call a fat Mexican? Whatever his name is.

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Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

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Potato salad

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A dying homeless man walks into a Hospital. He is asked to leave because he doesn't have health insurance. He dies in a gutter next to where he shits.

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Knock Knock Who's There? ... knock a door run

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When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris

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"Your moms so fat I jiggled my pickle and she jumped with tortoise." Is what I would say if I was retarded. Downvote this shiz!

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a black guy leaves prison

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What's brown and sticky? Human Feces

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what's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What's the difference between a mouse and a dinosaur? A lot.

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One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

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Why do black people love watermelon? It's simply delicious.

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Why could the black man not fall asleep? The gunshots outside his home in Compton constantly awoke him

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What is 69? A two digit number.

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Why didn't Sally eat the meatballs The meatballs ate her

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why did the cow jump over the moon because it was on a high dose of lsd

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Jewish People

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Q. What's brown and people don't care when they step on it? A. Dirt

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What happened when a black man's phone went off? He answered it.

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I walked into a dark ally at night and ran into 2 black men They severely beat me then while unconscious brutally raped me. I then spent 5 weeks in the hospital in a deep coma.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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