Q:A man has 100 chocolate bars he eats 93 of them. What has he got now? A:Diabetes

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What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? Poker face

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Why did James come back to drive the boat again this year? Because he likes driving boats and towing passengers

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Why did the black man win the race Because he was faster than all the other contestants

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who went to the grocery store? She walked in, purchased the items that she specified on her shopping list, then left and went to her daughter's piano recital.

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Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!! It's funny cause the robot ain't got no arms.

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that awkward moment when you get in the van and there are no sweets...

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How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I think I may be colorblind.

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Whats worse than a dead dog? 5 dead babies and a dead dog...

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Mmmmmmm Lemons

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, and says nothing. Ducks are incapable of speech and therefore it would be physically impossible for a duck to say anything. Where the duck walks up to does not partake in the matter.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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what did the deaf kid get for christmas ? An ipod.

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... and so the rabbi says "Don't worry. It was a kosher pickle anyway."

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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Roses are red Violets are blue I own a lawn mower Can you swim?

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Do you think people can change? No. They can change their mind.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a pedophile

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If life gives you melons.. You're just plain retarded.

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What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about? They probably have to concentrate generally harder than the average musician in order to produce any correct, good quality notes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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