What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dementia Dementia who Knock, Knock

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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A man walks into a bar.

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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A man waltzes into a bar, waving a carrot in the air. With an arrogant air of self-importance he flops onto a highchair at the bar. Looka here, looka here, he says to the bartender, waiving the carrot at the man. Will you buy me drinks all night, if I can make this carrot... Never mind, and please leave my bar, the bartender says, pulling out a carrot from under the counter. I've got one myself.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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Why couldn't the kid get into the Pirate movie? He died in a car crash on the way there because of a drunk driver.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make a great milkshake? Because he's had a successful career where he has made a substantial amount of money, allowing him to purchase high quality ingredients.

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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The economy sucks. REM broke up. A man killed himself.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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Indeed.

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Your mother is so obese that the extra weight is putting strain on her knees she now needs knee surgery.

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I am a real homosexual

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why did the kangaroo jump? because its a kangaroo

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How do you leave a man in suspense...

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What did Tommy's father tell him on Christmas? Nothing, he was violently stabbed to death on Christmas Eve.

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How do you make a professional wrestler cry? You could stab him repeatedly with a box cutter and demand his social security number, but I wouldn't suggest it. He would most likely beat you up.

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roses are red violetes are blue you need to shut up or I will kill you

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What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? A pilot.

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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cut it out ..but i dont have a scissor

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Why did the tortoise beat the hare. The tortoise had carcinoma thyroid cancer in the renal pelvis uterur.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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