How many Jews can you fit in a car? Statistically speaking, in a brief survey done by the United States Traffic Commission, they stated that a standard 4-door sedan had the highest percentile of drivers. So, in regards to the legal system, a person may only fit, in fact, 5 jews in a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What notes does the tightrope-musician have to worry about? They probably have to concentrate generally harder than the average musician in order to produce any correct, good quality notes.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do you call an asian flying a plane? a pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two business men, a priest and three boys are on a plane which is going down. There are only three parachutes. One business man says that they should allow the children to have the parachutes as they have long lives ahead of them. The other business man says screw the children. The priest looks up at the second business man. After a short but heated argument they all agree to let the children have the parachutes. The three children then proceed to jump out of the plane with the parachutes. The two business men and the priest watch as they descend upon the earth. The plane then crashes into a mountain, killing the business men and the priest. Once the boys were safely on land they went back to their daily lives in their individual homes. Turns out a serial killer had escaped from prison, all three children were found dead the next morning, the cause of death of course being that each had contracted some form of a sexually transmitted disease from the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is jim gay? because he likes men

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve? Black mail !

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't the cow move? It had Cystic Fibrosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A boat sinks in the ocean, what does the sailor do? Nothing, he wasn't on the boat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Welcome to AntiJoke.com Jeff. Jeff just got his mind blown.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happened when the boy didn't forward the chain message to ten people. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you get an elephant into a fridge? You can't - elephants are too big to fit in fridges. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? You can't, see above. If there is a raging fire in the jungle, which animal will survive? Most likely the parrots and other birds, as they can fly away.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

your momma's an antijoke

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar, he then falls unconscious and driven safely to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? It is an assessment intended to measure the respondents' knowledge or other abilities.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats black, white, and read all over? Micheal Jackson reading a book while painting himself red.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guess what? Chicken butt? Poultry gluteus maximus!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cripling social anxiety.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the cow puke up his grass? Because it is necessary so that the cow can re-chew his food to aid with the digestion.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a girl with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats worse than your camera not working? getting hit by a fridge during the Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the boy kill himself? Because he wanted to.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops