Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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One night you tell your mom to make you a sandwich, the next day in school you ate a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch

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Jewish People

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Q: What do you call a gray box without a joke in it? A: I don't know but you'd better think of something.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it got hit by a bus.

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You know what helps with sholder pain? If you lick my butthole.

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God.

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two muffins are in an oven one muffin says man its pretty hot in here and the other muffin says oh my god a talking muffin

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Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

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Women

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What do you get when you multiply a trillion times a billion times a quintillion? A huge ass number.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was black

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A black man, an Asian, a Jew, and an American all jump off a building. Unfortunately, they all died on impact and their families will mourn for years to come.

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Finding a repeated joke about no armed susy falling off a swing.

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Your mom is so fat she should be concerned about her increased risk of heart failure.

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when does the phrase "time heals all wounds" not apply? to people with fatal wounds.

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a carrot walks into a bar, carrots cant walk for they do not have legs.

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Nickelback.

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Q; Why does paint dry? A; Because plankton are single cell organisms

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a skank.

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why did the bananan explode? it was a grenade

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When life gives you lemons. You make beef stew. #andymilinokis

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Women's Rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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