One time i ate a sandwich it was good

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They say under Chuck Norris's beard, is just a chin.

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Q: What is worse than loosing your arms? A: Dying

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What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it twice.

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Q:What do you call a dog with no legs? A:It doesnt matter he's not gonna come

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? I stapled it to the first monkey!

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What's yellow and can not swim? A Bulldozer

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How many Jews can you fit in a Jeep? Four.

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No entiendo PORQUE cada día amanezco

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No, I don't have ADH...- Oh look, a butterfly!!

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A: Hoblin Goblin.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police The Police who? The police Johnson Oh, come in Mr Johnson

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What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari ? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

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the blonde choked o a gummy bear. What happened next? she went to the hospital

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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The government wants us to stop using gas and be eco friendly. Tell that to Hitler.

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Obamacare!

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A man walks into a bar, he drinks, then leaves the bar.

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Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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How did the poor young women get Aids? She got raped.

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Two juggalos go to an Insane Clown Posse show.

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What did Sally get for Christmas? Nothing, Sally is dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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