What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Your life That's the joke

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the white man rub the black man's hair for good luck? Because it's good luck to rub a black man's hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I have the heart of a child... in a jar on my desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man asked a guy in a store for football cleats The guy got all confused because footballs cannot wear cleats

thumb_up thumb_down +29

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. - You don't need to because N and O are already together. - Then maybe a cyber-relationship would work. - Why ? - Look at your keyboard, U and I are next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why was the black man sad? People were frequently talking and whispering about his dark colouring behind his back. Also he had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a dragon that doesn't breathe fire? A Griffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why is the world round? Because oranges are purple.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

No entiendo PORQUE cada día amanezco

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Do you know any good bird jokes? Well this is hawkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +25

25

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a one-armed man Whatever his name is

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man walks into a bar, he drinks, then leaves the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was running. From the forest. That hell hole. He had got away, but he could remember. The darkness. The silence. Until the unmistakable scream of the guns and then- The Running. The Screaming. The Blood, oh the blood. Seeing Charlie. Oh, that damned soul Charlie. The bullet went right- But that was long ago. So long. But sometimes, in the silence, Chicken remembers. The Running. The Screaming. The Blood. And he screams.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Oliver's friends

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I had sex with the Earth, and out came global warming...Imagine what will happen if i had sex with Obama?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari ? I don't have 10 dead babies in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops