What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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What's the difference between a black man and water? All black men have water in them, but not all water has a black man in it.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

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Why did the woman die? She was hit by a bus.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This line doesn't rhyme Neither does this one.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Hodor

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Dandelions are yellow, and so are sunflowers.

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What do you call a Mexican who steals a car? A criminal.

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Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because Jimmy has no legs. Why doesn't he have any legs? Because he's a potato.

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What's a Mexican's favorite sport? It varies from person to person.

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Why was poor justin killed His mother kicked him into a pool of blood-thirsty aligators.

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What did the mollusk say to the sea cucumber? I don't know. Neither of them can talk.

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Why did little susie fall off the swing? because she had no arms. Knock knock who's there? not susie

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Two women were sitting in silence.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

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A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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What did the mute child say to his parents for the first time? "My head hurts" Doctors later found he had hypertensitive heart disease and an aneurysm in his brain. He died later that month.

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a guy walks into a bar. unexpectedly, a terrorist walks in and shoots him in the head. After lots of therapy he can now go back to his average life.

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because his socks were slightly damp resulting in evaporation and the cooling of his feet, as well as the cold weather in December.

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Why do redheads have red hair Because they were born like that.

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A white man, a black man and a muslim walk into a bar. The bar explodes, but the white man is the only one that dies, thanks to reasonable accommodations.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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