What did the doctor say to his patient? You have cancer

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I was walking on the beach when I heard a man yell "Help, Shark, Help!" and I laughed, because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

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What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Commie. Commie who? Commie Johnson. We went to high school together.

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A farmer goes out to the coop to feed the chickens. They're all dead.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

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Hey, your mom left something at my house. It is pink and lasy. It is her new hat and i think she will want it back.

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Whats worse then reading the same joke over and over again? Getting mutilated by a cupcake.

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her an anti joke

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What did the man say to his wife before they went to bed? Goodnight.

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if life gives u lemons....chuck them back and say u wanted muffins instead!!!!!!!!!!!

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a man eats at a restaraunt alone, because all the people he loved died in a tragic boating accident while he was out of town on a business trip

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What side of the cheetah has the most spots? -The outside.

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What do divorce and a loose bear in a zoo have in common? They both tear families apart

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A Horse walks into a bar. Bartender:why the long face? Horse:I have terminal cancer.

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FIONN'S HAIR 1 LIKE = £1 FOR A HAIRCUT

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how do you get 100 dead babies in a bucket? use a blender. how do you get 100 dead babies out of a blender? Doritio's

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A blond is stranded on a desert island when she finds a magic lamp. Except it's actually a rock and she is hallucinating due to dehydration and starvation.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar..... Wait..... How?

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So Mel Gibson walks into a bar, and then everyone left.

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Knock Knock Why are you knocking? I have a doorbell.

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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