what do you call a cucumber that is wearing a dress.... an asian lady

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What do you call a woman who is good at driving? Danica Patrick

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What happens when you are caught in the serious offense of killing somebody with intent? You get in trouble.

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cheese

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what's the difference between a babie and a watermelon. one's fun to hit with a hammer. . . ht other ones a watermelon.

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Brittney Spears

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gay marriage.

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Why is Chuck Norris' beard so great? because he grooms it daily.

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How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head under water.

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Why does LeBron James keep his phone on vibrate? Because he is often in the company of others and he does not want a ringtone to distract others from the current topic of discussion.

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Your mom is such a slut that she has herpes.

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Jack Oliver has a Bowl.

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What did the white guy the black guy and the Asian all have in common Penises

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

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To pen state administraters walk into a butt

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Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? Because she was lost in her thoughts about her dead husband, and how much he loved orange juice.

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If you look up stupid in the dictionary the definition would say stu·pid? ?[stoo-pid, styoo?] -er, -est, noun adjective 1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull. 2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question. 3. tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party. 4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio. 5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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What happened to the little kid sitting next to a fat kid ? The little kid got DEVOURED

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What happened to the man who was hit by a car? He was immediately rushed to a hospital and was reported to have a broken femur dislocated shoulder and several broken ribs. The driver was later found and was declared driving under the influence of alcoholic beverages and the victim's family sued the driver for the medical costs. The driver was arrested and was sent to a detention center for 3 months and the victim made a complete recovery.

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Bing

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Benevolent villain.

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25

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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