Why didn't the man show up for work on Monday? He gets Mondays off.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Michael J Fox likes his martini's shaken because they taste better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Relax, and I do not mean as in hypnotic "relax as you do not not... Okay I used it again I am just joking" Nice, so are they like pretty doubles or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Knock knock Who's there? Adolf Adolf who? Adolf Hitler. Are you a jew?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

your mamas so fat she falls out f both sides of the bed

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" Passersby notice the man is blind, which caused him not to notice the bar. He later died in the hospital from severe head trauma

thumb_up thumb_down +35

OK, A plane carrying 200 passengers crashes on the border between America and Canada. Which side of the border do you bury the victims? Well, it would depend on where the passengers where from or what they had stipulated in their living will. I suppose some would be cremated which opens up a whole other can of worms entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Knock, Knock. Who's there? The Police, your family just died in a car accident/

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What type of movies do pirates watch? None they are on a boat!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man walks into a bar. Several hours later he staggers out and drives into an oncoming school bus, killing all occupants. He survives to live with the grief for the rest of his life and attempts to commit suicide several times.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her an anti joke

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A man powers up his computer but then realizes he's in China.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did the angry husband murder his cheating wife? She forgot to cook dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What happens if you throw a red ruby into the black sea? It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock Knock COME IN!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What does a blonde's vagina taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I'm on the seafood diet. A large proportion of my daily food intake is fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why did the blond cross the road? she doesnt know either

thumb_up thumb_down +27

wanna hear a joke?... Womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the small child fall down the stairs? Because he had lung cancer was in a wheel chair and I was incredibly tempted to push him down the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops