Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenia, and don't have any friends

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What is 6 plus 9? 15

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What is long, erect, and 12 inches long? A ruler.

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What is worse but similar to Jenga? The September 11th attacks.

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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What's the best part about seventeen-year-olds? There's seven of them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I kicked it.

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What do I smell like to you?? Crap.

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How can you tell if a duck is watching you? Look at its eyes

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What do you call a group of asians? China.

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What do you call a brunette between two blonds? Probably their friend. How should I know?

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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whats better than a dead baby..... wait..... whats worse than a dead baby...... never mind its not that funny anymore

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Lets make like trees and stand still

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Why did the indian man take the peanuts out of his lunch? Because he's allergic.

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What did little Robbie get for Christmas? AIDS

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Fish for a man, he has food for tonight. Teach a man how to fish and he will have one more skill under his belt.

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How did the guy drown if he wasn't in water? A shark threw up on him

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The outside of my house is painted yellow.

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If you look up stupid in the dictionary the definition would say stu·pid? ?[stoo-pid, styoo?] -er, -est, noun adjective 1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull. 2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question. 3. tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless: a stupid party. 4. annoying or irritating; troublesome: Turn off that stupid radio. 5. in a state of stupor; stupefied: stupid from fatigue.

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The biggest lie on earth: I have read and agree to the terms of use.

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Bing

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What has nine arms and sucks? An appendage-rich octopus with an inhaling habit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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