My dad weights 350 lbs. He decided to switch to diet soda.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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how do u wake kesha up? Answer:set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first polar bear says, "Pass the soap." The second polar bear replies, "No soap, radio." OMG YOU DON'T GET IT?!?!?!?! NOOB

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Realist: Find something better to do than talk about a glass.

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Why was the man upset? Both sides of his pillow were warm.

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Why didn't the kid eat lunch at school? He wasn't hungry.

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Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Penis.

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

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Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Peas

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wanna hear a sad joke? you! by mad james

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why was the 6 year old boy crying? his mother had just passed away from terminal cancer and his stepdad caught him crying so he kicke hm in the face and told him to man up.

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Why did the catholic preist take all the little boys out in the woods? They were going on a camping trip.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I look down My pants are brown.

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How many Jews can you fit into a Volkswagen? Probably around seven.

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what is funnier than a apple? a talking apple

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How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

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Why was the Saudi Arabian terrorist flying a plane in America? He was going to visit some family on a ranch in Kansas.

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You have small feet Do you know what small feet mean Small shoes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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