How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

Why didn't Tom have to pay for his ride to the funeral? Because he was dead and in a coffin.

Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

how do you make lady gaga cry you poke here face then rape here.

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

i'm hard

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It lost it's grip on the branch and was unable to break it's fall before reaching the ground.

5 Italian guys from Long Island

Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

Why did the plane crash into the mountain? The Pilot was a tomato

2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

What's black and has ne education? A tire.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

why did the man get arrested? because he was a thief, and thieving is completely unacceptable in a civilised society

KNOK KNOK WHOES THERE APPLE APPLE WHO SEE THIS IS Y U BROKE UP

What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

Why was the chubby bird that you were staring at you angry. Because you were looking at him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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