roses are red violets are blue get out of my face before i kill you

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How many apples do you end up with if your dog is a golden retriever who got raped by a giant scorpion? A jail

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Everyone text/call Mrs. Butt Hemingworth for a free pint of her delicious marmalade! Serious inquirers only. 832 704 1331

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an emo girl walked into a white room

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Now that we got our colors straight. Hey, how ya doin?

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Why do black people have white palms? Genetics.

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Why is 6 scared of 9? Because 9 is a zombie.

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A man on his 21st birthday walks into a bar. He orders a piña colada. The bartender then replies "Sorry we do not sell piña coladas here." In disappointment, the man decides to order a different alcoholic drink and later becomes an alchoic for 20 years until he breaks his obsession and remarries his wife and has 5 kids. He then had a great life and died at age 92. He will be missed by his wife and children.

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Two Canadian men are sitting in a room. Man 1: Do you know what happens when you shoot a wolverine? Man 2: No. Man 1: It absorbs the bullets, duh. The second man proceeds to go outside with a gun. He returns in a few minutes. Man 1: What did you do with that gun? Man 2: I shot a wolverine. Man 1: What happened? Man 2: It fell over and died. I think you watch too much X-Men.

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What's black, white and sings the intro theme song for "Thomas the Tank Engine" while tap-dancing? There probably isn't anything that does that.

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Q. Why do televisions come with clickers A. So you don't have to get up to change the channel

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow Wanna have sex?

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What's worse than the Holocaust? A worm in your apple.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Cheese on toes

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Why did the eskimo drag the seal into the igloo? Because the whale wouldn't fit.

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Billy and Joseph are playing Rock paper scissors. Billy says paper. Joseph proceeds to throw a rock as hard as he can at Billys face and sends him to the emergency room where he was later diagnosed with terminal testicular cancer.

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What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed Awwww sheeeeeeet!

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Why are women bad drivers? -There are no roads in between the bedroom and the kitchen.

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How do you find dennis ferguson? Look at danyons bckground

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What's the difference between unicorns and black people? Years of slavery.

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What's red and has four letters? A stop sign

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"You can't get past" "I'll get future" dad cri mom cri boy bang girl girl cri women's rites sholdnt exist.

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I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

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A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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