- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. Being the only two people in this rundown watering hole, the bartender walks over slowly to the man and asks him in a depressed tone, "What would you like?" The man replies back with nervous hesitation, "Do... you mind if I have a rum and coke?" Staring off into the empty wall of the bar, the bartender sighs then says, "Eh... Why not. Your service is better than watching these reruns of MASH on this broken television. I can barely understand where all this laughter's coming from when the punchlines are covered up with static. I feel that if I could take in on how the joke was being told that it could potentially fill that void I experience in day-to-day life, but in the financial state that I'm currently in, that huge hole that I sense in daily life will never ever be filled. Every morning I wake up and try to find a way that I could escape this feeling that I have at the bottom of my stomach. You know there was a time where butterflies flew around in my gut because this television worked just so damn well, but it seems that over time the butterflies ate one too many greasy cheeseburgers and drank one too many beers." While still concentrating on the empty space of the wall, the bartender starts to tear up. he wipes the tear away then continues on with his rant. "But that isn't the only problem that I have going on with me. Every night in my vacant and almost unfurnished apartment, I would prepare myself a TV dinner in the microwave and set up my recliner so I could stare out of my window and see what's going on in my neighbor's living room. Every night I would do this and watch him have his loud and raunchy drug-induced orgies with women and animals. They would light up candles and chant right in front of the beautiful orange glow before stripping off their clothes. I know that it's a great misfortune that even I myself know what is wrong with this picture that I just described to you, and yet simultaneously, it hasn't really dawned on me yet that what I've been doing is extremely creepy and intrusive. Even walking upon this shaky and seemingly everlasting tightrope of ambivalence, I can see what's the right answer but loneliness has a strong effect on a person. Upon its very appearance, it corrupts the personal ethics of some beings. Many times I've seen quiet men turn themselves into loud and mad animals to make themselves look like alpha males. Many times I've seen celibate women strip off their clothes and show flesh all for a pervert. Sometimes I just stay here at the bar and watch TMZ. I've even sense the loneliness when I looked in some of the eyes of the celebrities'. Their acts scream loneliness as they stumble around drunk and mumble words in front of some overpriced bar. Perhaps I'm just going nuts here. It's almost like I'm having too much fun when I take in at what I've become. I've fallen into the shape of a lonely bartender of an empty, empty place. This establishment used to be so full of life but now it's all shrunken up. I apologize, sir. I know I probably told you too much information, but I'm drunk and I felt that this is the only opportunity that I'll have before i relive that feeling again. It just won't stop. It goes on and on." After staring deeply into his drink for sometime, the man digs into the inner pocket of his coat to pull out his pack of cigarettes. The bartender murmurs out to himself as he reads the cigarette box, "Lucky Strikes, unfiltered." As the man pulls out a cigarette for him and the bartender, he says, "cheer up, man. we'll make the best of it." The bartender takes one and lights up with the man in the bar. After a few drinks, the man decides that he's going to wrap it up and hit the town. As the man is leaving, he lays down a hundred dollar bill and tells the bartender to take it. The bartender smiles and says, "thanks for listening to me, sir. you've been great." The man turns around and smiles then says, "No problem. Thank you for staring into my apartment."

In Soviet Russia, this type of joke would be considered evidence to throw you into the gulag.

what did the black man say to the Muslim? "you the bomb"!

What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

What did hitler say to the jews? Die.

why did the kid fall off his bike he had a serious illness which made it difficult for him to play sports

A man walks into a bar with a frown. The bartender asks, "Why are you sad." "My wife got brutally raped then shot last night."

What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

Why did the plane crash into the mountain? The Pilot was a tomato

Whats the difference........ Between a duck?

What's 1+5 2+4 3+3 4+2 5+1 Whats 6+1 If you said 6 you're stupid.

What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

Q: What has no color, no shape, no size, and was born in your mind? A: The thought you just had about this anti-joke.

Hellen Kellers dad put a plunger in the toiler and left it there. Hellen Keller went to use the bathroom and.. moved the plunger so she could take a shit.

what do you do when life gives you lemons? take them, free shit is cool!

Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his monthly car bill is too freaking high and can't afford to take car to work, where all of his co- workers are waiting to tease him!

what looks like a bananna but is blue a blue bananna

A little girl meets a homeless guy named Ian McDermott in downtown Atlanta She then screams stranger danger and a nearby policeman comes and arrests the man.

Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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