Jesus walks on water, Humans are 70% water, I can walk on humans, Therefore i am 70% Jesus.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Your parents are dead. And happy birthday!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out. After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him, the same shooter made his way to his room, and murdered his wife and 3 children, and somehow managed to evade police. Months after this incident, Ralph, the same chicken who was in the hospital and witnessed his family's murder, was finally released. He had nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to in the future. He took up alcohol abuse for some time, until realizing what truly had to be done. He began tracking down his family's killer, and with each day spent, he became closer and closer to discovering the dealer's whereabouts. One day, he finally figured out who it was. As he arrived at the killers' home, he took one last deep breath, then stormed in. After fighting through many of the dealers' body-gaurds, Ralph finally reached the notorious drug dealing murder, Froghorn Leghorn. As a bloody battle ensued, it was clear who the winner would be.. As Ralph staggered out of the destroyed home, bloodied, yet victorious, he realized something. All the tracking, all the killing, all the bloodshed he had created, was all in vain. He realized that taking Froghorn's life didn't, and wouldn't, bring his family back. Finding himself dumbfounded, he began to trot, head down, through the field where the bad drug deal happened, almost a year ago now. He took one last deep breath, looked at the stars, and took his first step on the road. This was it he decided, he was finally going to reunite with his family again once more. As the headlights raced towards him, he heard his family in unison whisper to him "You're finally home Ralph, you're finally home."

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What's the best part of having sex with twenty-four year olds? There's 20 of them.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

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What says "Mooo"? A goat with an identity crisis.

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What happened to the chicken that crossed the road. It got hit by a fridge.

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What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

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Sarah Palin's political campaign

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What do you call a black man at KFC? A customer.

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a chicken walks into a bar and gets drunk. the locals then proceed to tell the police because the chicken was harrassing people after he got drunk

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How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? you open the door and guide him inside

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How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? depends on how thin you can slice them.

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Ask me if I'm an orange? Are you an orange? No.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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What do you get when you cross a helicopter, elephant, and a rhino? Heliphino

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During a boxing match, a white man faces an Asian. The Asian loses. Next the white man faces a Mexican. The Mexican also loses. Now the white man faces a black man. "Aw screw it!"

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jack. Honey, Jacks here, will you get the door?

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What's the time when black men take over? Poor past never.

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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Why couldn't Jimmy eat his food? Because I threw a microwave at him

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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I will slam your FACE into the BOOK if you don't stay out of MY SPACE

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A blind woman was watching tv. think about it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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