Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive a train? Because she was blind, deaf, and most likely uneducated in the field of train conduction.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

yo mamma so fat that when she goes out in high heels she comes back in flip flops

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats Brown and Sticky A) a stick

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How hot was the blonde considering she was in Africa for the first time and it was 103 degrees, very

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the girl fall off the swingset? Because she got hit by a refridgerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two black guys were walking down a street to meet up a local drug dealer. Turns out the black guys were undercover cops who arrested the drug dealer and both recieved awards for finding the criminal.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the plane say to the other plane? Boy, those towers fall!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo' mama's so poor that she can't afford many of the privileges of everyday life.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

knock knock whos there? jew jew who ? jew son o a b**** ? (aimed at ight wing racist jews)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

when life knocks you down you don't do anything because life is a mental concept that does not have the ability to knock you down since it doesn't have a physical bodie

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Scientists have discovered that the state of your hunger can affect what you say. For example, whether you choose to say ‘I’m hungry,’ or, ‘I’m not hungry,’ is based upon how hungry you are.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Is your refrigerator running? Yes. That always nice, you dont want your dairy products to spoil.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the smoker die at a petrol station? He had lung cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Me Me, who? -You -You? but I thought you were me. - I am you, you're looking in the mirror, asshole. - No, sir i'm sorry you have the wrong house. Asshole doesn't live here.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Her doctor told her that if she didn't start watching her cholesterol she might suffer from heart related illness in the near future.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops